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Britain demands exemption from EU car ad regulations

When I was a lad, VW, Audi, BMW – hell, even Renault – would turn out memorable campaigns as regularly as 69-year-old cultural icons pop their clogs.

Yes, Ford and Vauxhall might have sold the most cars, and on the whole their ads were rubbish, but at least the aspirational brands – hell, even Renault (remember Papa and Nicole?) – would consistently produce strong, distinctive work.

Unfortunately, in 2001, Tony Blair quietly took time out from fomenting the discontent in the middle-east which will surely result in the destruction of western civilisation as we know it to sign a secret EU agreement. This accord required all car commercials to feature an ethnically-diverse group of twenty-somethings driving around non-specific urban or semi-arid locations in central Spain to the accompaniment of anonymous, winsome europop.  (For reference, see nearly every Nissan, Seat and Toyota ad made in the last fifteen years.)

Nobody noticed or cared – they couldn’t tell the spots apart – until last year, Renault ran this

Renault-KADJAR-Start-Living-1080p-4

At first, industry insiders thought the ad the work of arch-satirists, taking as it does every single one of the agreement’s guidelines before cleverly jumbling them up in a way that makes no sense at all to anyone, whichever corner of evil federal Europe they inhabit. The bizarre name of the vehicle lent credence to this theory.

However, upon further investigation, it was revealed that the ad had been written and shot by an anti-European Union pressure group, who plan to make the ad the centrepiece of the UK’s ‘Leave’ movement in the forthcoming referendum.

David Cameron has been quietly working behind the scenes to give Britain a car commercial opt-out, but storyboard artists in Brussels are furious and insist that if Britain won’t take Syrian refugees, the least it can do is run terrible Euro car ads.

What’s the solution? I have no idea, but I suspect it won’t involve gyrocopters. Only Honda can save us now.

 

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